language and perception...

read this. if you wanna. if not, let me paraphrase. (but really it's an interesting read....)

the language we speak apparently effects our perception of events. in english, if i was to knock a mug off a table, whether accidentally or not you'd say "trip broke the mug" and you would remember that it was me. if you are a native spanish speaker you would say "the cup broke" and probably not remember that i had any input at all. Indonesian speakers would look at three sequential pictures of a man kicking a soccer ball and say for all of them "the man kick the ball", and not really notice that the three pics are different...

now, with that as back ground knowledge. we have attitude patches at work. lots of them. i tend to wear the one that says single. we are meant to wear two, sometimes i wear two that say single... the store owner came in today and gave me "flirtatious" to wear with my single... hours later a guy came in and noted the "flirtatious" and made a comment. the other manager told me he was totally flirting with me. i hadn't even noticed. i'm gay, i don't notice if guys flirt with me. if he'd been a girl i might have.... quite probably.
made me think though. is language the only thing that impacts what we perceive.

that is all.

the world is unfair in my favour

and yet i still think it's unfair. i got a really good mark in my final assignment. really. SOOOO much better than i thought i would. it was apparently my best work.

now here is my problem. i don't think i earned the mark i got. i did some work, but i'm sure there were people in the class who worked WAY harder than me. i have a brain, it obviously works well. i went to a selective high school and we were all marked at a very high standard, as you would expect when you are in a school that is apparently made up of the top 2% of the state brain wise... to do well in that environment you really had to work hard.
now i am being marked in, what i will term, a very comprehensive fashion. against a class that fits the societal average brain wise.

and it's freaking me out because i don't feel like i have earned the mark i got. seriously, i was almost not going to hand anything in because i felt i had really flunked it. it was a bad week, my heart wasn't in it. i considered putting in a request for compassionate consideration.

but i handed it in, and got a high distinction which i will not be complaining about.

but it still feels unfair, even if it is in my favour...

that is all.

24 hours with trip...

11:30pm wednesday. get off the phone.
get distracted by youtube videos of Megan Washington
sleep for about 3 and a half hours.
wake to the alarm at 4:45am.
start work at 6am.
have a perfectly lovely, if a little weird, day at work.
be tired enough to read "it's just me. hold on." as "just hold me."
head home and strip the bed. be aware the cat is doing his usual psychotic reaction to the sheets being changed.
stop making the bed between stripping and re-sheeting.
take a phone call.
get attacked by the cat. 2 major scratches, three lesser scratches, half an arm of small scratches and punctures.
yes the cat is still nuttz, even when medicated..
run out of time for a nap...
grab a slice of garlic bread and a choc croissant for dinner... at 6pm.
choir rehearsal. again good, but odd.
almost fall asleep at choir whilst scratching the back of the guy next to me.
go to work for a hot choc after choir with the gang.
end up working for a few mins coz we are a big group and it's really helpful to have an extra set of hands.
when leaving the cafe, miss he last step and fall to your knees, skinning the heels of both hands whilst ur at it...
drive home, listening to more Washington.

i am exhausted, it's now 12:20.
i will wake up sore tomorrow...

that is all.