quite recently it was 26/4/10. i had to write the date down a few times that day. and half the time i did it i wrote 26/10/4. i have no idea why i kept getting it wrong, but it led me to thinking maybe that date had some psychic significance.
so, what was i doing on Oct 26, 2004... well my friends twins were born on sept 21, so they would have been just coming home from the hospital - they were premmie... I might have been just getting my arm out of plaster, i had broken it at karate b4 the twins were born. my partner was less then three weeks away from giving birth, which probably means we were at the hospital, at least sometime within a week we would have been at any rate. we spent a lot of time there. work was boring, but there were a few layoffs about a month later, not me. there was a huge thing going on which i won't talk about, but i don't recall anything specific about it happening that day.
so the long and short of it is, i don't know. when we look back in our lives do we ever remember what happened on a specific random day? i know we remember the big things, but if you had to pick a random day of the year 6 years ago, what do you remember???
20100430
20100421
working with mum...
or "how to feel like a teenager all over again".
“By the way, I know I’m this confident, ‘out’ person on the outside, but there’s still part of me that’s like this 16-year-old scared girl who is in the locker room and doesn’t want to look up for fear that the other girls will think she’s looking at them…”
Nicole Pacent said it right. and it's a real thing, that so many of us experience, and still struggle with. I don't know what goes through str8 girls minds when they are in the same situation, coz i'm not a str8 girl. it doesn't matter that i'm not interested in any of the bodies around me in a dressing room, but i worry that the other girls will think i am looking because i am gay, so i keep my eyes down, or face the wall. i'm not modest. i really don't care if you see me in my underwear. i don't care if your male, female, gay or straight, if we're getting changed you will see my underwear. meh, no biggy. If i am interested in dating you then i will care more, but only because, like most women, i lack body confidence.
so how does this relate to working with my mother? She manages a costume shop. She is a costumier by trade. Her work and training and qualifications means she spends a lot of time with people in their underwear, and when they go see her they expect that. I have been working with her, but have done everything i can to avoid helping people with fastenings or fittings or anything like that. it comes back to that fear that people will think i am looking at them. we get school kids through to grandparents in the shop, trying on costumes. it's what we do, and it's why they come, but it's generally only the women who need help with fastenings - it's the nature of the costumes they wear. and because i work there i guess they expect me to have the level of professionalism, and maybe i'll become confident in that thought one day, but right now the fear wins, and Mum just doesn't understand. which takes me back to "what do str8 girls think". by the way my mother acts and reacts i could take it that it's not an issue. but then again, as stated, this is her career, her trade.
but i hate feeling like a teenager. it wasn't that much fun first time around.
“By the way, I know I’m this confident, ‘out’ person on the outside, but there’s still part of me that’s like this 16-year-old scared girl who is in the locker room and doesn’t want to look up for fear that the other girls will think she’s looking at them…”
Nicole Pacent said it right. and it's a real thing, that so many of us experience, and still struggle with. I don't know what goes through str8 girls minds when they are in the same situation, coz i'm not a str8 girl. it doesn't matter that i'm not interested in any of the bodies around me in a dressing room, but i worry that the other girls will think i am looking because i am gay, so i keep my eyes down, or face the wall. i'm not modest. i really don't care if you see me in my underwear. i don't care if your male, female, gay or straight, if we're getting changed you will see my underwear. meh, no biggy. If i am interested in dating you then i will care more, but only because, like most women, i lack body confidence.
so how does this relate to working with my mother? She manages a costume shop. She is a costumier by trade. Her work and training and qualifications means she spends a lot of time with people in their underwear, and when they go see her they expect that. I have been working with her, but have done everything i can to avoid helping people with fastenings or fittings or anything like that. it comes back to that fear that people will think i am looking at them. we get school kids through to grandparents in the shop, trying on costumes. it's what we do, and it's why they come, but it's generally only the women who need help with fastenings - it's the nature of the costumes they wear. and because i work there i guess they expect me to have the level of professionalism, and maybe i'll become confident in that thought one day, but right now the fear wins, and Mum just doesn't understand. which takes me back to "what do str8 girls think". by the way my mother acts and reacts i could take it that it's not an issue. but then again, as stated, this is her career, her trade.
but i hate feeling like a teenager. it wasn't that much fun first time around.
20100413
since forever ago...
my cat is an odd ball. he is on prozac. lately he has started to settle. i really like it. the things i love most about him.. when he's settled, when he is following all his own little routines that i know and expect. when i wake up he try's to convince me to feed him b4 i shower. he always fails, follows me into the bathroom, and as soon as i turn on the water he leaves. when i get out he then sits on the mat between my feet and stays there till i hang up my towel. when i sit in a particular spot he will wonder around my legs, waiting for me to pull his tail. when i get pizza he will sit on the box. if he can't have any, then neither can i...
there are some routines i am less excited about. he will wait till i am cleaning the litter to go... he will sit on the clean washing and leave it covered in hair. when i am putting clean sheets on the bed he will try and get under the sheets, in the quilt cover, every where, super hyperactive, and i always end up with scratches.... i totally understand why my friends have taken to calling him cunter...
but i love him....
there are some routines i am less excited about. he will wait till i am cleaning the litter to go... he will sit on the clean washing and leave it covered in hair. when i am putting clean sheets on the bed he will try and get under the sheets, in the quilt cover, every where, super hyperactive, and i always end up with scratches.... i totally understand why my friends have taken to calling him cunter...
but i love him....
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