vanilla...

so have you ever knowlingly been the subject of someones fantasy. i have. i am. it's weirding me out. just a little, a late night text about where my hands are? hard to sleep after that. but god it's kinda awesome too... i'm a visual person, so my head is still spinning with the image that text created. it's hot. seriously. loving it. but still weirded out.

i'm so glad she doesn't do vanilla

that is all

uuuggghhhhh

i have just finished another year of gang show. i am exhausted. i have a headache that won't go away. i am hating getting up in the morning, even after 9 hours sleep. i forgot to bring the good fish food to work again, so poor mowfrag gets flakes again... at least his tank is heated now. i need to get a filter too, but can't afford it this month, so he gets to have warm unfiltered water, which is only different to what he used to get by the fact that it is warm...

that is all. pretty boring hey...

Don't forget you're ugly

I think I look reasonable. If I tell this to people though, there is guffawing and rolling of eyes. Girls are not supposed to think they’re pretty. We are supposed to be insecure to the point of obsession. Pout in front of the mirror and squeeze at the fat on our arms and bellies. Shove our fingers down our throats and lose sleep over the wrinkles around our eyes. When somebody compliments you on your appearance, deny it! Don’t say thank you or actually agree with them. Good god, the scandal.
the above is from Neekersneakers blog - click title of this to go there.

i'm not vain. i don't preen and prune for hours every day, or ever, i just get dressed and some days i do an alright job of it, look in the mirror and agree that i'm alright. not model style, but no-where near butt ugly though. on rare occasions i've even been known to say to myself "yeah, i'd do me." i've sometimes asked friends if they ever feel the same and they look at me blankly, or look at me like i've grown an extra head. what neeker says is so true. we have been conditioned as girls to not accept the compliment, to not like what we see in the mirror. and we can blame the media and we can blame peer pressure, but it is what it is right now and it's gonna take a forever to change i reckon. So girls, try it. go look in a mirror and appreciate what you see, n matter what it is, or how far or near you are to angelina jolie or catherine Zeta Jones in looks. Marlene deitrich was one of the biggest stars of her time, and rocked a tux like you wouldn't believe, but she was kinda ordinary looking too. glamour comes from inside....

that is all

stuff and nonsense.

every now and then i write stuff - i have a whole website full of it - some i will post over here every now and then... here is last nights musings...


she stands at the front of the room, conspicuous by the fact that she's alone. she's happy there, reading her notes, preparing for what she's about to do, while the rest of the rooms' occupants are still barely aware she is there. all in black, the only flash of colour is the red of her glasses, perched in her hair, which has the barest hint of blue when the light catches what is otherwise jet black. those who've seen her wardrobe know that summer - while muted - has colour, blues and purples, but winter is all black, and today is a very cold day. her appearance is almost severe, widows peak prominent with hair pulled back into a long, straight, tail, black top and long skirt revealing nothing but at the same time hinting at an entirely lovely and feminine figure, glasses now on her nose completing the look that says i am mature and respectable. she is the youngest in the room, but so many will never be aware of this fact. with a determined breath she turns to face the room. a hundred voices fade to silence and two hundred eyes watch as she raises her hands. by this simple gesture she has complete control of the room, everyone instantly aware of her sense of self, her tone of command, though she need not say a word to make her presence known and felt. with her hands she has commanded armies, made love swell and grow, expressed hate and brought tears to her audience. she can draw from her students emotions they didn't know they possessed and feelings that have lain dormant for years. she is a student herself but also a master in so many ways.
she is the conductor, of choir and orchestra, controlling a world of music with every minute gesture, pulling and pushing sound, making her audience think and feel by the control she has of the musicians in front of her. and all of this achieved in mono chromal silence.

that is all

our nations capital...

a few weekends ago now one of my choirs went to canberra to perform. now for those who have been to canberra you will understand how boring it is there. for those who haven't... there are amazing galleries, museum, two parliament houses, and no night life... it's cold and boring. but there is the fantastic suburb of fyshwick which has not only a lot of sex shops, but a lot of warehouse sized sex shops. now as a bunch of self respecting lesbians we did what was expected and went sex shopping... we bought this fantastic little vibrating penguin - Bertram. now imagine 5 single lesbians in a room with alcohol and bertram. now get ur mind out of porno-land and into reality. we had a ball. we watched bertram dance on a tabletop till his batteries died. we had shoulder massages (thanx lisa) and we talked, and talked till about 11 (nanna's, the lot of us) then we all slept, on our own...it was one of the most fun weekends i have ever had in canberra. and we went from the hotel, to rehearsal, back to the hotel, to the concert, back to the hotel. we went nowhere and did next to nothing, but god it was fun.

i'm going back to canberra to see a show woth a completely different group of (straight) friends next weekend. i can almost guarantee there will be no sex shopping, not even for the barely 18yr old boys. it will still be an awesome weekend, with plenty of alcohol, but just not the same...