and on the 7th day there was no rest for the wicked!

1st lesson of the day. Even though breakfast is served between 7:45 and 9am, and you can arrive at any time, if you arrive any later than 7:50am you will have to queue for at least 10 mins before you even get your cutlery.
Classes again, with a lunch trip to the every classy and predictable McDonalds. I had a fish finger happy meal, because why wouldn't you!!! Gen and I also spent the lunch break (an hour and a half) wandering the town looking for a jumper for Gen (poor thin blooded floridian...). Today the cold weather was in, and it rained (again...). I'm almost wishing I had packed more than 1 jumper.
After class we took part in the extremely english activity of cream tea. a big pot of tea, scones with jam and cream, and an egg and cress sandwich. perfect, and exactly as you'd expect it to be. A group of us then wandered to the other end of cambridge in search of Primark - kinda like Big W... i bought myself an 'english' t-shirt for 3 pounds!
Back to college just in time to put on a load of laundry before dinner, then enough time between dinner and the evening lecture to put it all in the dryer.
Tonight's lecture was about the High Days and Scarlet Days of Cambridge - lots of ceremony. It was interesting, with over 70 photos showing the traditional ceremonies that we'll miss while we're here, as they all start again in October.
I'm now enjoying a hot chocolate in my room before curling up in bed with a 1400 page book to start my reading about Coleridge, who I will be psycho analysing next week. Tomorrow is punting day!

day 6, the first day of class.

just a quick one today, i'm running short of time. I have to go and find the laundry really soon...
First day of class... we had a very quick introduction, then into first classes. This week I am doing "urban Gothic" - sherlock holmes, jeckyl and hyde, and dickens Bleak House are the required reading. the class was interesting and I feel as if the teacher could talk for hours on this subject. it's a chame we only get 5x an hour and a half on each subject. Having said that my afternoon class this week is More's Utopia, and I think that class was plenty long enough! I'm hoping today will be more interesting, as we'll be focusing on what might have been the meaning of the book, rather than the context in which is what written, which has always been my least favourite part...
We also have a plenary lecture each day, between morning class and lunch. the over all topic is 'Triumphs and Disasters'. yesterday was a lecture about the disasters of declaring love in jane austen and her peers. The over all message was about semiotics and discourses - Coded Language.
I've hired a bike. the town isn't large, but if you go to sainsbury's 3 times in a day, a bike is awesome...
We had post dinner drinks at a pub called the Eagle. for the scientists among the group this was thrilling, as the discovery of DNA was announced at the Eagle. I like that they do pints of cider for under 4 pounds!

Day 5 – I think I’m gonna like it here!

Another early wakeup, after a particularly late night, and time to pack everything into my bags. I consumed my body weight in toast again this morning – how to make the most of a “free” breakfast – then headed off to the tube station. Kings Cross is a nice straight line, or at least a nice Piccadilly line ride from the hostel, so it was a nice easy trip. I took all the obligatory photos, both the monopoly board and the platform 9 and three quarters. With the same girls I met the other night, and one extra we picked up along the way we boarded our train and blocked the doors with our luggage. We were getting off at the first stop…

Somehow between 5 of us with maps and mobile technology we managed to take 40 mins to find out which bus we had to catch to get from Cambridge train station to city centre. Eventually, in the rain, we made it onto a bus, and off again, then had to walk about 15 mins (with 4 pieces of luggage) to get to St Catharine’s.  apart from the fact that yet again I am on the top floor (I WILL have amazing calves by the time I get home) the room is fantastic. Simple furnishings, a desk, bedside, draws, closet (x2, or so I thought) 2 shelves and the bed, but it’s all mine for 2 weeks! As I was unpacking I opened the larger closet only to discover that it actually houses a sink! It was so lovely to put stuff away! I’ve found out where the laundry room is, where to hire a bike and where to lock it up safely, and the wireless password, which at time of writing, doesn’t seem to want to connect.

Dinner in the college was pretty damn good for mass produced food. There were 3 long tables of students being served, around 80 people maybe? After dinner we had an introduction meeting, which was snooze inducing, then a small group of us went to the Anchor (local pub right on the Cam) for a quick drink before bed. I’m really looking forward to class tomorrow, and meeting more people, and learning the names of the people I met today!

Soggy Soho - day 4

Saturday was World Pride day, being celebrated in style in London. So I put my comfy shoes on and grabbed my backpack and took the tube to Camden Markets! Beanii and I shopped 'til lunch time, then went for a nice walk along the canal, past a few locks. It’s a gorgeous area.

We caught a bus back to the city. We had a vague plan to get off at Trafalgar square so that Beanii could get a photo of me with one of the lions. When we got close we decided that getting off would land us in the middle of a huge celebration – the centre stage of Pride, as it were, so we stayed on the bus. Went back to Beanii’s lovely light 3^rd floor apartment (piece of a town house) and watched the end of the Womens Wimbledon final. Serena is so gracious, jumping up and down with her huge gold and silver trophy…

Next stop was a lovely grownup house party with Pimms to celebrate World Pride (I didn’t avoid it entirely). After consuming more than enough really well made pimms it was time to head in to Soho. Wowsers… the entire area was packed, people on the street everywhere, but all looking rather bedraggled as it had been raining on and off all day! We got into THE lesbian event at a club called the green carnation. We didn’t arrive until after midnight, because that’s what you do.after about an hour I decided I was far to old for this, and the music was too loud and the bar too crowded and the whole place too hot, so off I went to make my way home. Before we’d come out Beanii and I had studied the night bus maps so I knew exactly which bus to catch, and where to get on, but only vaguely where to get off. Turns out I have an amazing sense of direction and got off the bus about 3 blocks from home. A nice wander through quiet streets and crash into bed for 4.5 hours sleep…

Childhood Memories...

I decided I needed a slightly more relaxing day, so I was up and out of the hostel by 7:30am… worth every early morning minute – I queued at the Apollo Victoria theatre and got front row seats to see Wicked! It was.
After that I headed back to the hostel to change into my jeans – apparently 2 days of sun is all London can muster – and then I took my Womble to Wimbledon Common. Contrary to my childhood punctuation belief, wombles are not common (The wombles of Wimbledon, common are we…), they come from a common (the Wombles of Wimbledon Common are we)… it all makes so much sense now. Wimbledon common is basically wild park land. I would love to have spent longer wandering around but it was raining, making the whole experience a little less fun.

After that I decided I had to go to Harrods, so back into the outskirts of the city on the tube. I bought myself some lunch, marvelled at the arrogance of the people who were actually shopping there, and choked at the prices of the souvenir bags. I got a free plastic bag with my mixed vege tempura, so that’ll do me! I then headed back to the hostel for a nap before the show. The problem with jet lag naps is that your body thinks it’s bed time and knocks you out. My 2 hour nap ended up 3.5 hours, and I had to scamper out the door to make it to the theatre on time.
Wicked is an amazing show, no matter how many times you see it. I would have to say that this was my favourite Elphaba too. And now time for another night’s sleep.

Hipsters are all the same... Day 2

My observations whilst catching the tube. the general look of people in London is the same as sydney. a fairly similar ethnic breakdown, breakdown of suits to plain clothes, and the hipsters look exactly like the hipsters at home... Everytime I hear people talking in the street though, they're tourists...

After managing almost 9 hours sleep I wandered down to the breakfast room and watched an onslaught of British school children devouring toast as fast as it was made. I decided it was a day for busses, so I caught the tube (busses???) in to Victoria and caught the 24 to Oxford St. I saw a sex shop, so it now feels a little bit more like the oxford st I know and love. I was walking past a phone shop and noticed that they had wombles. I went inside to find out how to get one – turns out that GBP4 donated to charity makes you the owner of a Womble! Tomorrow I will take him to visit Wimbledon Common. It was getting close to lunch time, so I jumped on a 73 to Hyde Park Corner. The most exciting thing about both bus trips is that I got the very front seat upstairs both times!

This afternoon I did one of the most touristy things that I have planned for my trip – I went on a tour… it was a free walking tour run by a group called new London. It was really interesting and the tour guide was a lot of fun. We walked around the city of Westminster for 3 hours, learning all sorts of royal and political history. This tour ended at a pub, where I had a cider I don’t know the name of, but it tasted very smoky. I’d avoid it next time, but I don’t know what it was!

After heading back to the hostel for a short nap I then went out to meet some of the people I’ll be at Cambridge with. We had a late dinner, and now as midnight rolls past I am ready to crash.

Day 1.

The world’s longest “day”… Arrive at Sydney airport at about midday, get to the counter to be told that my “hand bag” is too big (has she not been keeping an eye on fashion?) and that I need to repack my bags so that I only have two. Do-able…

Fly to Hong Kong. The seatbelt light was on more often than off, and for a 9 hour flight we only got one meal. This makes for a queasy Alex. The leg to London was far smoother and I even managed to sleep for about 4 or 5 hours. After an hour delay at hong kong, after we were all loaded and ready, we arrived at heathrow on time – 5:25am. Over an hour to get through immigration, and then not even a skerrick of customs (not even a man with a clipboard) and I was on my way to the hotel. Tube is no problem, if you can navigate new york, you’re good to go in London. 7am wandering the local neighbourhood, found a Laundromat, a sainsburys local and about 4 off licences. I then tracked into town, because I needed to stay awake! Went shopping at Covent Garden, then to oxford circus, then a long walk to a shop that didn’t sell what I wanted, then a long walk in the wrong direction, then a tube and a short walk to a shop that wasn’t there anymore… by this time I can go back to the hotel and check in, which is a blessing because my feet are screaming at me! So now I’m showered and lying down, guaranteed to nod off for a nap any time now. The only problem I have is that my phone needs charging, and it’s on the other side of the room… no alarm is set… I’ll need to work on that, because otherwise I will sleep till midnight and then I’m screwed…

Got up and set my alarm. Napped, went for a long wander to old kent rd – I’ll probably have to go back, my camera was on a shitty setting and I didn’t look at the pics till I was back in London…

Home again home again jiggity jig, in bed by 9:30pm. Broad daylight outside…

Sharing a room with 5 others, mixed. This means 4 snoring boys, 2 of whom arrived at the room at about 4am… oh well.

#3 memory

Boxing Day. 1983? almost definitely. we went to somewhere along the sydney harbour to watch the beginning of the Sydney to Hobart yacht race. I don't remember the race at all, or where exactly we were, but I remember running around in my pink terry towelling shorts looking through binoculars. my sister was wearing yellow.

indigenous ad campaign???

ok, so above is an ad showing on australian tv at the moment. it's basically a government ad, aimed at helping people quit smoking. Australia has a well publicised problem with a gap in life expectancy, health and education levels between indigenous australians and white australians. I think it's great that there is an ad that is designed to connect with indigenous folks. But does it work? i don't know.
What I do know is that while i was visiting central australia, we stopped in at Kings Creek Station, where there was a big display about a local program that is providing scholarships for indigenous kids to go to boarding school in Adelaide. the white kids in central australia attend "school of the air" - classes conducted over radio or internet, with class work supervised by parents. But the indigenous kids need to get out of their communities where the engrained feeling is that school isn't necessary. which may well be the case if you never want to leave your community (which are often like small farms where two families live together, self sufficiently), but if you want to live or work outside your small community, you need an education.
SO sometimes i really think that no matter how much the government does to help reduce the gap, the indigenous communities need to do just as much.

my first day at school

In Australia the school year in feb to dec. to start kindergarten you have to be 5 by the end of June of the school year. BUT you must also be 4 and 9 months, so technically you have to be 5 by the end of april. OR you could be me and start school when you are 4 and 9 months - mid march!

I started school after everyone else. I remember being taken to visit my teacher and being shown my desk with my name on it. Most of my memories from the first year of school involve sitting on the carpet with my legs wrapped around the leg of a desk.

Trip Down Memory Lane #1

I've decided to go through all my digital photos and tell some stories. these will be things i remember, fun times had, or stories behind how photos came about. the photos i'll be flicking through will be either originally digital, or already scanned - i'm not going to get my photo albums out...

So, number 1.

I'm about 3 years old in this pic, but i remember it. Scary had made the indian outfit at school and i wanted to have a photo with her. Scary only wanted a photo if i could do the arms right, and i really struggled - kept crossing them instead of laying them alongside each other. It took ages to get this pic, or it felt like ages at the time... I still have those little red shoes too.

gender...

so, i am currently researching the story of Chaz Bono for a uni assignment. really interesting, very accessible, lots of meat to analyse.

but it's got me thinking. Cher, particularly, says "i love being a woman. If i woke up tomorrow feeling like i do and had a different body, i would be like 'get me out of here'"...

it's got me to thinking. if i woke up tomorrow and i was male, i don;t think i'd care. if i woke up female, i don't think i'd care... sometimes i go out dressed like a boy, even as far as packing, and i have seriously looked into strapping, and some days i wear a dress. i love all my skirts and dresses... so, am i really somewhere right down the middle. androgynous except for the fact that you can't hide these boobs? i have a friend who is truly androgynous, or possibly even butch, certainly in appearance but not in personality so much. spanky, referred to as male or female by different people, shaved head, always straps, wears men's clothing, doesn't pack, identifies as a lesbian...  i have a friend who identifies as Boi. always men's clothing doesn't strap, occasionally packs dates women...

so where do i fit in the slide rule of gender? some days i'd really love to have a pes, but i dn't necessarily feel the need to be male. i have never felt wrong in my body. but i also don't know that i would feel wrong in a male body either...

maybe one day i'll get some clarity on this, but till then, the word can see me as female, because it's easiest, and i don't mind.

family... huh.

Sitting in the back of the car, looking out the window. Mum and "dad" in the front, book on my lap. I could be 11 again, but the fact that i may be asked to drive belies the 31 i actually am. The farm lands we're driving through are green for a change, but the pine forest and bush land hasn't changed. the road has changed, but not the place it leads to. My grandparents house, our twice yearly holiday destination as far back as i can remember. My grandpa is turning 90. He was the age my mother is now when i first met him. He too, has hardly changed, if you ignore the hearing aids and the fact that he only bush walks now, having been forced to give up the tennis just last year. We're on our way to a big family shindig, something i would have groaned about recently, but am now learning to appreciate, as these are the people who don't leave, the ones i can always drop in on, unannounced, even on christmas day, and be welcomed and fed. Being fed is important ;). I'm almost old enough now to fit in with all the adult conversations, which is good as i am the oldest of the cousins by a good 12 years. And when i don't fit the convo, there is always aunty colleen. Love her. Married into this crazy family late, being the second wife of my oldest uncle. But she fits right in and quickly became my favourite on this side. No fuss, no nonsense. Couldn't give 2 hoots who i sleep with (though if any of my family do care, they hide it well). There will be family i don't know, haven't met yet. Some of my mums cousins. Not sure if the kiwi set are coming. I guess it's possibly a bit much to expect great aunt marjorie to be here, as i think an international flight at around the 90 yrs old mark would be a bit tough. But who knows. Tonight is take out dinner at the house, just family. I'll count how many and post later, but i'm guessing well over 20. Then tomorrow is dinner out - 90 years of friendships, work colleagues, societal peers - again, i'm thinking it'll be a big one!

life is beautiful.

this week work has been pretty hellish. 2 days in a row my staff didn't show up. do you know how much it sucks having to call people at 6am to ask them to come to work? and when that fails having to work alone for 3 hours? not so much fun, really. 

but, there are a few really happy bubbles going on at the moment. i got into uni. i am dating. choir is back and awesome. i am actually going to be able to survive whilst at uni.

so therefore work wasn't hell this week, it just sucked.

that is all

happy family...

there is a family out west. 2 mums, 2 kids. people look at this family and see happy. they see perfect. they see a dream. what they don't see is that the older child has. had. another mother. it isn't the perfect family, there is another person in all of this who isn't part of the dream, the happiness, the perfect. but no-one ever mentions that, do they. no-one ever "needs to know" about the past. lets just keep it all about perfect dreams and happiness.

that is all.

the new year....

ok, lets start with a random. i'm sad. i know what would make me not sad, but i am avoiding it because long term i need to get over it. on a more short term thing, i don't have a no-one i can talk to anymore. no real space to vent. my housemate knows all my posting places online (pretty sure she hasn't found this one yet) and she's too close to home, literally. if i post something that says i'm sad - i don;t want to get questioned on it, i just want to vent, just talk. to no-one in particular.

Today i sat with friends drinking beer, eating good food, feeling left out and sad. it was nothing any of them did, just a way i felt for a while. one friend noticed and asked me, i didn't want to make a big deal of it though. and after a bit, i was fine again. i don't exactly know what was going on, but it was there, and then it went.
i may just be tired. i've had a few big days. i've felt like crying fairly often, and have been triggered by the smallest things. walking around a ferry this morning with a 15 month old and i had to hold back tears. i love that little girl, she is so sweet. but she reminds me of so much pain that some days it's just hard to be with her without wanting to scoop her up and cry on her shoulder.

maybe i just need a few days of alone time, but i don't want to be alone. it leads to the sad. i don't feel like it's helping me settle emotionally. i dont feel like being alone is doing me any favours. but i also don't really have anyone i can just go and be with without ending up right back at the beginning of this post...

but...

moving on to the new year...

2011. a year when i may get into university. i may become a student. right now this concept makes me want to cry (not much of a surprise there) and excites me too. i have no idea what to expect. i already feel like it will be more than i can handle. everything i have one in the past year proves that this is not the case. not only can i handle it, i can do well at it. i just need to put my head down and my tail up and work.

well, that was that thought... the other day i managed to make myself completely miserable with an entirely hypothetical situation. how would i break the news of me being pregnant to a friend who had been trying to get pregnant for years. now, i'm not pregnant, and right now i'm not even trying. but i can imagine nothing crueler than having to tell a friend who has failed again and again to get pregnant that i have succeeded where she has not.

that is all.

it's christmas time in the city...

As far back as i can remember, christmas has included a trip to the opera house. A mango all for myself. A Darell lea christmas pudding.
more recently, it has included sleeping on my mothers sofa.
for many many years there has been a lunch that starts with smoked salmon and ends with the most decadent desserts!
So many little things make up christmas to me. the smell of pine is a must. Jacaranda trees, gardenias.
finding that perfect little gift, nothing big or flashy, but special to the person receiving it. sometimes even a pair of undies will fit the bill...

I hope you have all the things that mean christmas to you.

that is all.

???

so, when someone tells you they don't want a hug because they have been crying for about 5 hours, and hugging you would just mean more crying, do you feel good or bad? when the same person thanks you for imaginary hugs, because that's all they are brave enough to face, do you feel good or bad? do i feel bad that she cried alone for 5 hours when she could have called me for that hug? do i feel good that my hugs are a safe enough place that she feels she can cry there?

it's hard, and it leaves me feeling neither good or bad. closer to impotent, and un-useful (which is different to to useless).

that is all...

"what have i done so far"

everyone loves a list. or if not everyone, then me. i love a list. today i read a list that i want to replicate.

What have i done so far.

i am not going to write this list right now (it's after 11pm, and i have to be on a train in 5 hours. now is not the time to write a good list). i will come back to this over the next few days, in and out, and make a list of things i have done. the point of this list is to remind myself on the days i am not so confident that i have done some amazing things since leaving high school.

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ok, so it's been a good number of days since i started htis. right now i am exhausted. i've barley been home since 5am tuesday (now 6pm friday) i can't think... i might get back to this one day.
Also, i am apparently merciless, in the best possible way!

you said i don't push for anything, and i'm really glad you said that/hoping you really meant it. and i'm really trying very hard not to push. coz right now i want.