if you don't care it doesn't really hurt.

or what you don't know can't harm you.
today was my last day at work. i did next to nothig all day, other than remove any trace of my existence from my computer, and tidy up a few very small loose ends. i got a few emails from friends asking where i was being taken out to lunch. every one hurt a little more. "the company" did nothing to say good bye. i got a card (not signed by the CEO or ED) and some flowers, and a small morning tea spread. the flowers and morning tea were organised by two of the ladies i share office space with, and i believe paid for from there own wallets too. two women who get paid less than i did, which was below average anyway. there was choclate cake, chips, bickies dip and cheese. home made dip. it was good - apparently it's all about adding the french onion soup mix slowly till you get the perfect balance. it wasn't much, but it told me where the love is. I also got a lovely apron from Miss P which i will wear often and with pride (thank you Miss P - and yes that is what i have regularly called her, it's not just an attmept at anonimity). i gave a few small presents, coz that's what i do, and made one lady cry. well, i didn't call her names and throw sticks, but she did cry. ooooo and i met Will. he's a cutey. he's really tall, prolly close to 3 feet already... he's not even 18 months.

i've been telling myself i dont' care, and in some ways i don't. i know who liked me and who didn't, and i know who will miss me and who i will miss. in so many ways i feel like it was a war of attrition against me, and they won. but they didn't. i had chosen to leave a long time ago, and the timing was just coincidental. maybe. i chose to leave, then saw the signs of war, not the other way round. i've been trying not to let myself "know", that way there would be no harm done. but today hurt.

that is all.