hypothetically terrified (HT)

on the way to rehearsal tonight (where i was forced to repeat the phrase, i can't i have rehearsal on about 3 occaisions) i had a hypotheticaly terrified attack. i'm new to this choir, the music is new to me, what if i suck, what if i'm not good enouigh OMFG WTF. now being past tense of that rehearsal it was great and i have no need to worry, mostly...

i had a phone call earlier today regarding my car, it has to be parked in certain locations or it gets taken away. i have a new job (in case you've been living under a rock and missed it) and with that comes a new parking opportunity. seems the managment have to discuss this... what if i lose the car, what will i do, how will i get to work, how will i get to three choirs, OMFG WTF. this one i will continue to worry about until i get resolution

Had AWC for dinner the other night (AWC - abandoned wives club), what if the food is not as good as i want, what if there is uncomfortable silence, what if i run out of grog (ok, that is never going to happen with 6 people at one dinner party, but you never know) OMFG WTF. past tense of the dinner - everyone had seconds, and we didn't stop laughing all night, and i still have a house full of grog...

hypothetical terror - the thoughts of what will i do if this happens - sometimes cripples me. i have been in the same job for 5 yrs, and not enjoying it for at least the last 12 months. and i think there are two main factors that kept me there... one is laziness, i didn't have a resume on hand, and was too lazy - and again HT - to do it, and the hypothetical terror of leaving. will i find a job, will i like it, what if i can't do it.. better the devil you know. i may not like it but i know i can do it... Well now i am stepping out of that comfort zone - i got past my HT of creating a resume, and only came out successful coz i had a friend on the inside poking Human Remains in my favour. now i have the job and i am again HT. what if i suck at it, what if i hate it, what if i lose the car, what if what if what if... OMFG WTF
i am seriously bad for myself...

That is all.