cigarettes and arrogant french girls

are things i shouldn't have - but for some reason they are both things that i kinda want...


I've had so much to write recently that i've written nothing. about the girl who nobody likes at first, but once you get to know her she's fine. about being single when you're sad and the poetry that comes with it - incomplete, forever. about the really sad book i am reading - that i have to read - that is so beautifully written that i want to read it. and also about the fact that the time that these things have chosen to be written about is the middle of my work day - day 4/8 and one of 11 shifts in 12 days.

So, here i sit, scribbling on paper far too small to contain all these big things, wanting a cigarette, and wondering what it was about that slightly arrogant french girl that got me wound up...

The boss here, has a reputation... I knew her when we were both in our early teens, she is a yr or two older than me. Not much now, but enough then. She was just generally superior to me in the way she acted, but never outright mean, and i didn't hate her. Now, people who meet her think she is not nice, but everyone who has worked with her or known her for a few months always says, you just have to get used to her. And it is so true. But it got me to thinking, would i really want to be the girl that you "just have to get to know" to like???

as i drove to work last weekend, watching the road through tears, i was thinking it was times like these that i miss having a partner. someone to hold me while i cry. and these four lines of poetry came. i will post them here, rather than over with the rest of my poetry as it is very short, and will never be more than these 4 lines...

Dry your eyes baby girl,

no-one's coming for to help you

wipe your tears on your own sleeve

there's no-one to hold you now.

Beloved, by Toni Morrison. read it. but maybe read it when the sun is shining in your life, coz it's a tough read. and if you know nothing about the history of slavery in America i believe it would be even tougher... I have to read it for class, but i'm glad to have discovered  it, because it is brilliant - but its affecting me... it's not helping me be happy...


and now it seems


that is all...