the fact that you matter isn't always a good thing

A few nights ago i went to see "A little Night Music" with Catherine Zeta Jones and Angela Lansbury. I knew nothing about the show. It was good, and they were both great. without them though, the show would have meant very little to me. they matter, to the exclusion of the show being good.

tonight i went to see "Next to Normal". I really wanted to see Alice Ripley, for a variety of reasons, none of them because i know her work, or even really know anything she has done. I know she won the Tony last year, and i have another fact or three about her, but that's all. I also knew nothing about the show, other than i have heard people say it's pretty heavy, but really good. I sat down, opened my playbill and two little 'understudy' slips fell out. "At this performance the role of DAN will be played by Michael Berry". "At this performance the role of DIANA will be played by Jessica Phillips". flick through playbill, Diana and Dan are the two leads. fuck. there goes Alice Ripley. oh well, such is life, that's what you get seeing a show on a sunday night of a holiday weekend.

Lights down, show starts. within seconds i had a feeling. within a few songs i was wiping tears from my cheeks and wondering if i could buy a songbook. by interval i was wishing i had a tissue and spent $90 on a program, the CD, the song book, a keyring, a hat. I have been found by this show. i can't put it into words. this show is what i needed right now - not because i necessarily associate with the story line, not necessarily because i was feeling down and needed a pick me up (coz this show ain't it). i can't explain it. This show is going to be the new "rent" in my life. the show i will see every chance i get. the show i will know all the words too within a week. the show i will sing as i walk down the street. the show i will perform songs from if i ever get the chance. the show i will tell everyone i can to go and see. (seriously - if you have the chance, SEE IT). the show i will audition to be a part of if it ever gets to amateur theatre in australia, even though the whole cast is only 6 people.
i waited at the stage door after and got signatures. i have never done that before, not even when i finally got the chance to see Rent in NYC. Jessica noted my accent in the three words i said, so i had a chance to say a few more. i told her she was amazing, that i had come to see the show "on spec" (which is mostly true) and that it was just amazing that i had to buy the lot! She is gorgeous, amazingly talented. I am so glad to have seen the show.
The clincher here is that She didn't matter. Alice didn't matter. The show matters. the show carried itself. She was brilliant. she matters, but not to the exclusion of the show.

that is all